Anyone who has been on the receiving end of a narcissists smear campaign knows how bad it feels. I never realized how my sister influenced the people around me from very early on. I wasn’t allowed by my parents to go to certain places where my sister hung out because my sister felt threatened and I was out to steal her friends or so she told them I found out much later.
I never set out to “steal” friends except I think once when I had great fun seducing a boy my sister had a thing for. It was childish, adolescent and nasty but it wasn’t my Modus operandi. In fact I was for the most part shy, painfully insecure and submissive whenever I was in a place my sister felt she was entitled to. And we are talking cafe’s, clubs and other public places here. I was always made to feel, by my mother especially, that if people liked me it had to be because I made them like me on purpose because otherwise they wouldn’t bother so if friends of my sister liked me too it must have been because I made them feel like that.
It wasn’t until I received a Word storm comment from my sister on another blog I publish on that I realized she had absolutely no compunction about destroying a blog I had build up over 6 years and my reputation and that what she had been engaging in the most vile superbly subtle smear campaigns in order to keep me socially isolated and alone and had found a willing enabler and supporter in my mother from a very early age.
It was also then that I remembered that my mother in what is called a moment of clarity on the out of the FOG blog told me about how my sister asked her to stop me from seeing people she liked because every time I came in a room people liked me and that she didn’t want her friends to like me. I never realized that this was driven by a narcissistic need for control but always thought I did something wrong because friends of my sister liked me and that was wrong. I also remembered how her friends always admired her and how she always needed that for some reason. I never saw her on equal footing with people I don’t think.
Here is a very good article about the Narcissist weapon of choice:
The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign
The narcissist’s smear campaign involves gossip, lies and slander. You can become the target of a narcissist’s smear campaign for numerous reasons. It can be anything from their insane jealousy, to the fact that the narcissist knows you see through their facade, to concealing their abuse or for simply disagreeing with them.
In my experience, the smear campaign is always used by abusers for what they consider premeditated damage control in anticipation of exposure. My alcoholic pedophile step-father used it during the years he sexually abused me, as well as continuing in it once I was an adult. Of course, that was first and foremost to keep me quiet about the abuse. Secondly, it was an attempt to discredit me so no one would believe me should I decide to tell. My narcissistic personality disordered mother used smear campaigns against her scapegoat children, anyone she was jealous of, anyone who attempted to hold her accountable, and anyone who saw through her facade.
The smear campaign may be going on behind your back during your relationship with a narcissist and may accelerate when the relationship ends, regardless of who ended it. Whatever the relationship, the smear campaign is intended to discredit and isolate you, manufacture fear, hurt you and label you as inferior. It is just one more form of intimidation and bullying used by abusive narcissistic manipulators.
This article explores the smear campaign, including real life examples of how smear campaigns were used in combination with other manipulation tactics by my narcissistic personality disordered mother. Options to consider if you are the target of a narcissist’s smear campaign are also provided.
What is Gossip?
The Oxford Dictionary defines gossip as “casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.” Gossip is speaking about someone, including details that are not confirmed to be true, who is not present to defend themselves. Gossip often involves:
- Slander – lies about a person that cause damage.
- Secretly telling others personal information that may be true, but was trusted to the gossip as private or confidential.
- Backbiting – spreading spiteful information without the person being there to defend themselves.
- Mockery – presenting the gossip in the form of a joke at the expense of the person being discussed.
- Planting seeds of doubt, distrust or discord with lies, innuendo or implication.
The Triangulation of Gossip
Ideally, when someone has an issue with you, they speak directly to you about it. However, in dysfunctional families and relationships, the person may speak to everyone but you about it. This is triangulation, speaking to a third-party about something that should be addressed directly with the other person involved. Some people may do this out of habit or because they never learned healthier ways to communicate. Some may be concerned by the reaction they might get should the issue be addressed directly. Then there are those who do this intentionally for manipulation, character assassination and smear campaigns.
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