10 days before Easter I received an email from my step brother informing me that; if I was interested in my inheritance from the estate of my mother I should inform him and he would give me the details of the Notary who was responsible for the business side of things and I could get in touch with her and I would need no third party involvement.

I thought he meant contact with my family and I appreciated this as I have had a strict “no contact” policy with my family over the last nine years and with the exception of a short but horrible intermission it had given me a sense of safety to have 20.000 km’s between my family and I but it turned out that my step brother also meant he wanted as much distance between himself and his father and my family, including me, although he was kind enough to me in the exchange that followed.

As we hadn’t spoken for some 25 years if not longer I wasn’t too perturbed. We never grew up together and had always had completely separate lives but I was very disturbed by his reasons. It turned out that my sister had made an absolute drama about demanding her share of the inheritance of my mother after my stepfather (who is still very much alive and healthy enough to take a new girlfriend ball room dancing at 89) sold the house he and my mother had lived in.

My stepbrother said that there had been absolutely no ability or attempt made by my sister to negotiate a reasonable settlement and she showed no willingness to see shades of grey in the matter. Having been the recipient of torrents of word storms (love that term) from my sister in which she showed absolutely no inclination to actually communicate at whatever level and disposing of her rage was the only reason to send the letters with said word storms, I could imagine well what those poor people must have gone through. When I decided to go no contact with my family when my husband and I decided to leave for a new life halfway across the planet, I also decided that I would not contact them for any inheritance an risk opening myself up to the kind of mayhem my sister foists on those who dare to cross her. She could walk away with whatever she could get her hands on like I knew she would and I would walk away with my sanity and serenity in tact.

So when my mother died three years ago (something which was used by my family to try to rope me back into the dysfunctionality) I grieved for her at a distance and I made my peace with the situation and I could actually remember some of the good stuff that happened and I could see her for the complete person she was. The good, the bad and the ugly. (But that is for another post) I never contacted my family or step family to find out if there was even an inheritance and I would not have done so if they hadn’t contacted me.

When my stepbrother contacted me I knew that I had to see it through because my financial situation while not unpleasant isn’t such that I can walk away from money easily and as contact had been made anyway I knew that my peace of mind was about to be shattered regardless of what decision I would make.

The reason I am writing this post is that yesterday I received an email from the Notary. I received the email at what must have been at the end of the week in which she was going to inform me of the state of affairs.

6During a previous episode in my life my husband and I were subjected to threatening letters and bullying especially on a Friday to maximize the damage and stress by a psychopath who was intend on destroying the value of a real estate of which we where renting a building. (also the subject of another  post I intend to write)

9 years after the end of that hell to this day going into a weekend without a threatening letter or something causing existential insecurity is a blessing. It means I can feel safe for a day or two.

The email triggered a weekend of flashbacks and panic attacks of an intensity I haven’t felt in a long time. The message she send? We need some more information in order to finish our business and when we get it we’ll be in touch.

I went into an absolute tailspin. The Notary had previously said that she would have everything she needed in the week of the 12th of May but apparently she did not. I’m sure she doesn’t mean anything by it but the fact that there is now an open time line rather than a date and the risk of my sister flying into a rage and pehaps try and get in touch with me over what she may perceive to be an injustice and having to deal with her is disabling me from doing even the simplest of tasks. Hyper vigilance, flashbacks, panic attacks and obsessing about what might be the cause of the delay. Is it my sister who has found out that as she fights for her part of the inheritance my stepbrother has taken it upon himself to be fair and give me a heads up about the situation in Holland? Is it just something simple and I shouldn’t worry?

We are 12 hours ahead of the time on where I used to live. It means that their day is my night. It means that I won’t be hearing anything until my Tuesday morning if anything at all. I hope that I can manage to keep it sane in the mean time.